Robert: You know the difference between a crying baby and a manager? One day the baby will grow up.

Andy: If we as a group make five mistakes in a day, something bad happens. Like we block Minesweeper.
Dwight Schrute: Or in this case an email gets sent to Robert California containing the consultant's report from last year. Remember the one that recommended the branch be shut down? [the conference room gets upset] And as a failsafe, every negative email you've ever written about him, to the group, will also be forwarded to him.
Andy: What emails are you talking about?
Dwight Schrute:[reading] "Robert's favorite songs: 'Creep' by TLC, 'Creep' by Radiohead." Remember that one Jim? [reading another] "There's no way he hasn't strangled at least one dancer." Oscar. "He eats his yogurt like he's punishing it for disappointing him." Kelly.
Andy: That's not that bad actually.
Dwight Schrute: "PS: We should kill him."

Erin: Pam, how would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of 1 to 3?
Pam: Ummm, two?
Erin: That's like the second to last thing I wanted to hear.

Jim: I mean I don't even know what I'd do with all that money.
Dwight: I know what you'd do with all that money. "Hey Pam, let's buy expensive bathrobes and hug."

Pam: What are you doing?
Dwight: What does it look like I'm doing? Digging a grave for a horse.

Andy: Cheers, cheers, cheers. Get your own guitar.

Meredith: You're the people's princess! Diana was nothing!

Toby: Every Halloween I tell him the same thing; you can't bring weapons into the office, and every year he says the same thing; as soon as I get my weapons back I'm gonna kill you.

Dwight: I can get you exotic meats...hippo steaks, giraffe burgers.
Robert: We'll talk.
[cut to talking head interview]
Dwight: It'll all be goat.

Ryan: I'd like to make a toast. To the troops...all the troops...both sides.