Gabe: They don't make these cords in boot cut anymore.

Jim: How many buttons do you have?
Dwight: 40...always.

Nellie: I can't be hypnotized Dwight. I tried it. I ended up smoking more.

Dwight: A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.

Stanley: Life is short. Drive fast. Leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos.

Erin: Ryan switched his name tag to his pants, so now it's like if you wear yours on your shirt you're a total dip, but if you switch you're a copy cat.

Paramedic: You have appendicitis.
Ryan: Oh, who called it? Nothing but net.

Dwight: What is the antidote?
Jim: True love's kiss.

Packer: Quick query Halpert, still queer? 

Stanley: It's just rum. I'm not bored, I'm a pirate.