Dwight: You told me there was a rule. I could have choked so many people by now!

Nellie: The quality of mercy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven, upon the place beneath.
Andy: How dare you play the bard card.

Jim: Big Red Paper Company?
Andy: Yes, yes!

Kelly: Webcams make me look the way I look in my fantasies.

Oscar: I’m here to tell you that, yes, it does get better.

Darryl: What flavor is that?
Hide: Coconut p**is.
Darryl: The coconut is pretty subtle.

Oscar: It gets better. Maybe not much better. But better.

Dwight: What’s even more precious to people than muffins? Their own children.

Darryl: I would date the hell out of me.
Later
Darryl: I would go crazy on myself.

Darryl: You mean to tell me that no one wanted an energy drink for Asian homosexuals?